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Please take a moment to consider if this thread is worth bumping. Recommended Posts Frank Ziplon Posted January 16, Share Posted January 16, edited I can't speak about other genres of roleplay, I am referring to urban roleplay in specific, no matter what the sub genre of that urban is. I am finding more and more, that people are not differentiating between a character and a roleplayer.
It could be that it is just my experience, so I welcome hearing from other roleplayers on the subject. I would like to start by giving an example of a communication I had with someone as a result of an advert they placed in a roleplay group, this is the abridged version and no names are mentioned, other than first names.
The advert was pretty basic and I do not remember the exact details, but as I result, I felt another group would be of specific interest to her, so I sent an IM and contacted her. The conversation that followed, was quite disturbing. She was seeking a one on one partner who would be romantically attached to her character, though this aspect was not mentioned in her original advert. She explained that she had ly had a role partner on discord who had all but abandoned her.
We got into a conversation about her needs and she felt I would be suitable, I explained that none of my characters were looking to settle down and that I tend to have more than one role-play partner and also enjoy playing in groups. She responded with "yeah i know and i dont want to suffer through my avatar being cheated on when i've been through so much in my own life.
She responded with "you can't Does it seem odd to anybody else that a person feels they can suffer through a roleplay character if the other character cheats on them? Maybe I am too cold about it all and just see the stories and characters, I don't know, which is why I would like some third party perspective. To me, even if character's are romantically involved, there should be no expectation that cheating should not occur. Pushing that aside, asking someone to make an alt to suit your wants, seems a big ask.
I guess it was her obsession with cheating that disturbed me the most though.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hurt anybody in Second Life as a result of my roleplay, I try to be as clear as possible as to how I see things, but how is one to know that others are not taking it more seriously as in, perhaps they are not playing a character at all? This is of course not the only situation that makes me ask this question. I have also noticed a lot of profiles these days containing prerequisites regarding who other roleplayers should be in real life, I'm not talking things like location, I mean traits. To me, in roleplay, the characters are the important personalities and not the people behind them.
The stories are not real, the romances are not real etc etc. Anyway, I welcome the thoughts of others, but to be clear, by Urban, I do not include family roleplay, where I know people take things a little more seriously and do tend to bring their real life self into the equation. I don't do urban or family RP, but I have been reading in the forums for several years, and my feeling is that what different people consider as RP covers a very wide range - from those with specific characters with specific traits and profiles, where all their actions should be seen strictly as RP and confined to an RP session, to the other end where people think that what ever it is they do here is some type of RP because they're not really like this in real life.
I've seen posts in the RP sub-forum which look like someone really is looking for a true non-RP romantic partner especially when they talk about it being open to take to RL and I've seen posts in the Relationships sub-forum that look like they should have been in the RP sub-forum. I think that the best thing you can do, between trying to read between the lines of posts seeking RP partners, is to make sure that you discuss up front with the other person how they see the relationship does it extend outside of RP sessions, for example and also explain how you see these RP relationships, to make sure that you both have the same expectations before beginning any RP.
Are people venturing into roleplay to find love?? The few ones who really find it spent a lot of time to find people, know them better, develop a relationship etc. RP groups are the easiest way to have a lover without working too much on it. Some people are just bad at roleplay.
But thats not something people plan to do. Your response has made me think that maybe what I'm looking for isn't as "weird" or impossible as I had imagined. I'm not looking for a sexual relationship or ownership, or even full time companionship. I just want to find someone who would be a good friend but nothing more, someone who enjoys family RP too and wants to build onto their family unit. But it seems like what you generally find is the opposite- generally with men, a highly sexual relationship and desire for voice, cam and the whole thing going a little more into RL than I'd be comfortable with.
I think women are often looking for RL romance and someone to stick with them and make them feel special, loved and wanted. I get it But in SL, I want to have fun. I don't want drama. Its hard to find people that are looking for the same things as yourself, especially if they are not completely open with themselves and others on exactly what that is. To me too. SL roleplay is open-ended, not a pre-scripted stage play, so cheating, or whatever else, for that matter, including character death, could occur at any time pretty much like real life, actually, just that real life is less open-ended in so far that the player will, at least physically, certainly die in the end while a roleplay character might ride off into an eternal sunset.
As long as it's clear from the get-go that it's roleplay, and you're not "shamelessly flirting" while chatting out of character with the character's player, there shouldn't be a big issue. However, I do think that many people identify with their characters and have vague boundaries, and just as you have people who get pissy with you, the player, when your character is being a jerk to their character, you also have people who'll fall in love with you, the player, when their character falls in love with yours.
The default should be 'roleplay is roleplay' and it's not your problem if the other person can't handle that, but in practice, it's certainly best to do what you can to avoid such things happening, that is make your rules clear and don't play "seriously" with people you suspect have a different attitude.
Having said all that, I do think some people do, and I also think it's perfectly fine to, go into roleplay to find love, but they should make sure to look for that love in the out of character interaction with a player, not in in-character interaction - and of course, there's always the danger of people just roleplaying out of character too, which makes it pretty risky to put one's heart and time into that.
It's certainly possible to find love "through" roleplay but sl is a tricky slope for that, and to look for love "in" roleplay and project it to love out of roleplay with no s of the other person wanting it, is unfair. If someone sets off your alarms and crosses your boundaries, it's probably best to not even go into it or get out of it a s a p. My idea is to go into both roleplay and the rest of sl without expectations and see what happens, but I'll avoid people I foresee too much trouble with, I wouldn't want to play with someone you describe.
It's great that she was so open about it, though, like that you can both avoid issues by not engaging, and she can go on to hopefully find someone who is a good fit for what she wants. And I'm sure you can find people to roleplay with, even as romantic partner, from the start, too, who'll happily keep things in character, and even would enjoy roleplay with cheating included.
Maybe SL should develop some kind of checkmark questionnaire for the profile to clearly indicate such things, in an easily skimmable way. What you are looking for isn't weird at all, if family RP in SL were like that, I would give it a go, well perhaps less the. A friend of mine who is friends with a male family roleplayer out of character, finds herself getting all kinds of headaches in IM, where he has become so lost in the drama of the RP, problems with his wife, problems with his ex wife, kids, grandkids, he really seems to have lost himself to this roleplay.
He is always contacting her feeling depressed. He's a nice guy, I have met him in world too, but to me, if any RP is taking you to the point of it having impact on your mental well being, that is the time to quit.Minecraft But We Play As HELPFUL HAMSTERS!
I'd dated my RP partners in the past and they were always good relationships, but I generally never went into the relationship looking for that. Though, that is given that it wasn't SecondLife based where it seems a lot more people blur the lines between RP and relationships. They use the RP term to more or less lure people int relationships. I had a really bad experience on a fantasy sim where two male friends tried to "claim" me ic and ooc even though we'd known each other less than a day and all I wanted was RP.
Needless to say I have not gone back to that sim. But it seems these sorts of people lurk in all places. Though I do understand wanting monogamy in a roleplay situation - it's something I prefer in written relationships but I understand why I feel that way and due to that I try to only ask for those things with people who are like minded and if they aren't then shucks we can still write.
I've RP'd a lot on other platforms and in different styles ect but it does seem an unhealthy look of roleplay and relationships here. Hi NewLuden, I find your thoughts on this subject very interesting, moreso in that you are very new to the SL RP community, you are seeing things with fresh eyes. I am sorry that you had a bad experience in that sim where two men tried to "claim" you, but never let anybody drive you away from a sim.
You probably know this by now, but it is possible to derender and block an individual in SL, so you never have to see them nor their communications ever again. Most SL roleplayers are very grounded and respect that it is all just fun involving characters, regardless of the format of RP involved and as such, have no expectations of the person sitting at the keyboard whatsoever.
So I hope you have gone on to find better experiences since that bad one. Thank you so much for your response! I've found a relatively nice place to RP so far but I am still adjusting to the SL culture to things. I'm generally a pretty private RPer and I enjoy building worlds and casts of characters and what not. I've learned that it is not quite the same in some sims which disappoints me but I can work around it. And as far as going back to that sim, I am not too sure. I was less worried about their harassment and more about what they would spread to others and I would have a hard time making friends so I just skipped the sim all together to avoid anxiety ect.
Though on several occasions they brought other women to the sim I liked to hang out in and do lewd things infront of me. But - yes. So far things are looking up a bit but I do hope I can make more friends that enjoy the things I do. I have a 3 day rule for my RP. When someone approaches me on a Roleplay Sim, or i approach them, i will not go into any ooc for the first 3 days except to answer very briefly to IC related questions. During that time i am usually able to find out if someone is really there for RP, is able to keep things IC and doesn't mess it up with OOC.
It worked well during the past 13 years. If i see that my 'rp partner' isn't able to keep ic and ooc separate, i step back.Seeking roleplay fun
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