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Thanks for your question. In fact, I almost wonder what might happen to your curiosity about men if your spouse heard and accepted this about yourself—or if somehow these feelings became less dangerous and more human. How do you feel about this attraction? Of course as a society in general, we are given horrifically limited identity choices for manhood. The fact is, our sexuality falls on a spectrum and some of us develop attractions for people of both genders.

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Our bodies are pretty clear about attraction. Perhaps your curiosity about men carries some kind of psychological symbolism—i. If your desire for men were accepted, you might have wider emotional latitude. Have you considered discussing this with a therapist? My sense is that you have a longing to feel safer and less guarded where you live, in a psychological, emotional, and possibly sexual sense. You might want to do some research on bisexuality.

There are some excellent online resources for people experiencing what you are. And like it or not, our psyches, sexuality, and selfhood continue to evolve over time; thanks for writing, and bravo for having the courage of emotional self-assertion. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I definitely think that I would take a little bit of time with this kind of decision because you wnat to be sure that whatever move that you make is the right one for now and for the future.

Obviously this is not something new but is something that yyou have been feeling for a long long time. Get some advice from a therapist, maybe you and your wife should go together. I was once married to a great woman I also had those gay thoughts and feelings For other men So I acted upon this and ended up leaving her and being the gay man I always thought I was Try before you buy I say you never know you may like it or even better love it like I did and still do.

Having been married for over thrifty years I can tell you for a fact that hiding things or even feelings can be damaging to your marriage. Talk to your wife. Having a counselor as suggested is an excellent idea. Keeping this bottled down will only create problems sooner or later. Perhaps this is a part of yourself that you have been trying to hide from other people, and this is the time where you are feeling it even more intensely.

I say that if this is what you feel, then there is no sense in denying these feelings. So you may be gay, so what? Society is far more open to that today than maybe even five years ago. I want to encourage you to be your true self, accept that authenticity.

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If that mean leaving your wife and pursuing love elsewhere, then if you do it in a way that does no harm then I think that in the end you will be much happier with your decision. Be sure about what you want and what you are ready to let go for that…You will then be in a better position to take decision or talk to your spouse. Rushing into a conversation without having one with your own self is not worth it. This situation is more common than you would believe.

When a human is born there are needs essential for it to trive. The studies have shown that 30 out of babies died as a result of not bonding to a person which requires, hugging, kissing, caressing, and being made to feel that they are important and wanted. Gangs fulfill some of these needs. Male bonding is essential for our lives. For a man to be kindly affectionet to another man takes a real man who has taken his stand on who and what he is. Sex is one thing and love is love.

Man to women, women to women, man to man, it does not make any difference. You had the need of being bonded as a baby human. Did you stop being human because you grew up? Fall in love with whoever I say. If a man will give his life for another man, does that make him gay. When I say I am in love with you. It means I think about all the time.

When I say I like being with you because I like how you make me laugh, I like how I feel when I am with you, when I have to hug you and hold you tight, does this make me gay. We as human need each other desperately. You have need that need to be addressed. Go for it. You deserve to be loved by more than just your wife. I am in this same position, part of me wants to go all out gay and change my life. The other part is that i love my wife and am attracted to her too. Just sometimes i could care less about her and want to live for me.

I have felt the same way also, it is nice to know that I am not the only male that has these feelings toward men I have been married for 25yrs, and from this day my secret is getting worse, by holding it hidden. In just have my fantasy. I have been in your shoes……22 years of marriage with four.

My kids were grown when I decided I needed to do something for me. It was extremely hard for the fear of the rejection from my family. I attempted every which way to resolve the issue but was unsucessful with therapy and communication with her. Its has been 7 years since I left the relationship and I can say it is very much different but yet living a authentic life mean so much to me.

The same thing happened to me at exactly your age. By fortuitous circumstance my closest male friend expressed and revealed his circumstances as well. We remain married to our respective spouses to this day. We discreetly discharge this very complicated self aspect about 4 or 5 times a year and that suffices.

It seems an innate part of us that will not be denied without internal psychic damage. But it definitely required a moral compromise. An orientation aspect best kept to oneself and not expressed excessively. So, it hasnt been easy really. I feel attracted to good male bodies and masculine personalities since like 10 years ago. Starting with a friendship and the whatever happens.

I am going through the same situation as yours. I am bi and married for 3 years to a woman. I respect and care for my wife but i am unable to love her the way i once loved a man before my marriage.

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Sometimes i really get frustrated for deceiving her and myself. Adding to my misery she is very dull and reserved in bed also. I come from a country where loving a man is considered promiscuous and sinful — I am not talking about just sex. But i would add something here, i fell twice in love with a man.

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That was awesome. But homosexual love is fleeting. A man would never be monogamous in his sexual relationship and that hurts. Both the time i was cheated. I was told, its not possible to live with only one man. I am totally clueless about how to cope up with this dual life of mine. I also can not cheat my wife by kissing and hugging a man. Any suggestion or help would be appreciated. I am 60 here and married to same woman for forty.

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I have never been with anyone but her. Male or female! We have not had sex for years. When we did it was mostly me stimulating her with my fingers and her giving me oral. I crave a meeting with male. Have never acted on though I want to. Can not imagine hurting her in any way. So I do watch gay pornography and masturbate. Been there……. I had a very similiar relationship……………very identical. Married many years, with adult children. No regrets. Being authentic is important. I know this article was written a few years ago.

If not, I hope my feedback can help.

Trapped in Her Web ~ Yandere Arachne

Love is love. But love does not equal sex. Am I in love with any of them? I now know the answer is no. But when these feelings came, I thought I might have been in love. You are you! Yes, labels help us communicate to others our inner world, but when it comes down to it, you are a human that requires unique kinds of love from ALL of your relationships in life. Tell your wife.

I hope she will at least see you respect her. Thank you for your comment on being honest with your wife. I am a wife of 20 yrs. I found this out myself and needless to say it destroyed me. I will never and I mean never be the same. I lost teeth and most of my hair from the stress. The worse part of this revelation was his lies and denials.

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