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Added: Marja Rasnick - Date: 08.03.2022 13:55 - Views: 48989 - Clicks: 6027

Life in the time of Corona has been wild.

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The chances of seeing friends and family safely seem quite slim, but as our world becomes more socially distantthere has been one thing keeping us all connected: the Internet. Social media and platforms such as Zoom and Google Hangouts have been giving us new and creative ways to turn up, create content, and even date.

There are two kinds of men: ones that are upfront and abrasive and those who are willing to risk it all, even during a pandemic, for the punani. Needless to say that I have become well-acquainted with both of these types. Back in March, I matched with a fellow New Jerseyan who was a tall, dark, handsome man. The rep, who informed me that she was a fat woman, told me that his behavior was intolerable, and his profile was removed.

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She also followed up with comments about how the app is working tediously behind the scenes to ensure the safety and inclusivity of all women and that they admired my fervor. I was touched by the care and attention to this matter, but part of me still felt unheard. I actually enjoy working out, and the gym was my second home right up until the outbreak. Having user-generated input through the formulation of task forces, in-depth surveys, and panels would really strengthen the infrastructure of dating apps in general. After the fat-shaming fiasco, I thought my experiences with virtual dating had reached peak negativity.

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I felt that I was running out of options and was ready to forego dating altogether. We had conversations about fat acceptance and support for queer folx in communities. He was fine AF, educated, and socially progressive. However, I was sadly mistaken. Over the course of two days, he had showered me with compliments, interest, and praise, and then poof! He unmatched me on the app and blocked my text messages, leaving me quite confused and annoyed. It was at this point in time where I decided to throw the whole Internet away. Between these aforementioned incidents and constantly being fetishized for my size, I often wonder if my size is to blame for my mistreatment.

Dating at my size has always been a challenge for me. There have been times where my partners have made comments that were lowkey fatphobic or misogynistic, and this triggered my anxiety, insecurity, and imposter syndrome. Suddenly, I grew tired of feeling hopeless and unlovable. I knew that I had to make a choice, and that choice was me. I traded nights of aimless swipes for edibles and anime. I fostered and revived my love of self-pleasure with sex toys, porn, and erotica. I dressed myself up in lingerie and took artistic nudes for me to look at and appreciate my body.

In the quiet moments of my self-isolation, I returned to my spiritual roots. Flipping tarot, using candle magic, and writing affirmations on my vision board became my solace. Exploring my sexuality and spirituality are not only acts of self-love but also acts of resistance, a peaceful protest against my haters. Doing the things I love most also helped me find myself and manifest my career and personal goals. I decided to use my pain to fuel my craft by creating a podcast, Instagram live show, and other content that empowers and supports fat women of color, their struggles, and their stories.

I wanted to show the world that I, too, am a human being, and my fatness was not my failure. My fatness is my strength and the mechanism which reinspired me to find the things that I have been wanting to receive from others: security, validation, and love.

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